The phuket disaster let mi rethink how fragile and weak life is....ur loved ones might juz disappear from your side like datZ....haiZ....mi also din haf any mood to celebrate 2005 countdown...mi veri bei guan hor?? hahaha...but alright lar..maybe mi feeling abit depress right now..sch is starting to get to mi..feeling e first bit of stress liao...hauhahaha..i wonder i make it thru it? but nevertheless i m enjoying sch at e same time also...so strange dat one can experience so many emotions at a time...haiZ..2005 cuming...i guess i shld make my resolution here...i wish to be a better me....esp my attitude....towards life....

wa...so fast liao...already third day of sch....today was a short sch day...coz its wed mah..2 lessons were cancelled so actually i onli attended one lecture today..haiz..e lecture hor...realli dunno wat to say le...teacher say until so fast...bcoz i don haf a j2ee base as compared to my other sch frens...so i lose out lor...dats y i was abit blur today in lecture lar..onli understand half of wat e teacher was saying..i tink i muz kempatae le...haiz...den after sch today jh accompany mi to the optician...so sian...yuan lai y my eyes haf been hurting so much these few days was bcoz of my torn contact lense left eye....so sian..dat means i haf to replace lor...tml still muz go to optician to check my eyes r ok b4 i can replace...or e optician will not recommend mi to wear contact lense anymore...oh no??? dat means i muz wear glasses forever?? oh dear...i hope not...den after still muz rush to sch for tis semester first tutorial lesson..haiz..abit not used to it...come to say...actually i missed my last time class also...hope everytink goes well for mi....^^*

first day of sch!! actually came to sch today quite excite...coz like veri fun..and was quite bored in the holidays..but so ..tired...mi today came home wif a big headache..dunno y also..mi now juz feel like sleeping..e lessons r ok...but alot of pple i nv seen b4 also...haiz...so many notes to print...and seeing we actually lu gi coz like every assignment we cannot copy last batch one...so sad....shou bu liao...onli e first day..hai..tml got lesson till 4...

harlo harlo~~wat a nice sunny day today!! haha...mi sitting in a beautiful place called the Library...wahahaha...juz bcoz my comp cant check sch mail...so i'm sitting rite here...arrgh...anyway...juz to sum up for these holidays..i haf been doing nothing = zero = mei you dong xi...wahahaha..die le lar..still say wan to buck up on my programming...haha...sigh sigh sigh..dunno wats going to happen nx semester...will i meet scary pple?? or teachers?? or maybe i will meet my white horse there...haha..ok lar..jokin nia...mi today in good mood..and i found a veri gd way to combat negative thoughts i had in the past....i juz haf to replace them wif gd thoughts...its dat simple actuallly...arrrr...mi juz wan to go off liao..cant stand e Library...its too quiet..:)

blog ah blog...mi still feelin veri down these few days...but i tink is expected de lar...who can get over in a period of short time..at least not mi...my feelings r not so versatile....juz like i thought in e past i could get over any person easily...in the end i also hurt so many pple...mi also dunno wat to do now le...i'm sad...but i cant be sad forever...i still gotta move on...ya noe...there's nobody who can understand and give mi all e an wei i need..even in front of all e best frens i haf i juz still joke all e time...even in front of him...i don understand y all my bravery came from..haha...e energy still to get on wif life...maybe i too zhong gan qing liao...so landed into such a state...i mean who else can blame other den mi? bcoz its mi refusing to move on and make myself miserable right...haizzz...i'm so veri useless...*mood*depress;*doing*listen to s.h.e songs....;

haiz...juz another day...my nose feel awful...all stuffed up...dunno y my emotions juz suddenly went on tis roller coaster ride today...from moody to happy to troubled ba...i'm a evil gal...maybe i shld go to hell for wat i'm doing now...i don recognise myself anymore...arrrrgh...i juz wan to be myself sometimes...love e pple i wan to love...is dat so difficult..y does everything haf to turn into hatred...where is my happy ending....where...i'm juz an evil gal...i lost my direction...i'm a bad gal.

wa...so fast le...its e 2nd last week for holidays...haixxx..and i look at myself. wat i haf accomplished?? realli nothing sia...although i can say its a gd rest ba...but cant help tinking i wasted so much time..my x-mas holidays...haixx...its hasn't been anytink special for me, i guess. h.m. is going to fly off to japan nx wk..how i xian mu her o....onli mi haf to be stuck all times in s'pore...anyway realli looking forward to sch-reopening....bi jing its my last semester le...i wish to do better...haha...anyway e weather nowadays veri rainy...although i scare wear slippers may fall down but e weather veri romantic ah...hahaa....ok liao now mi go off le...go walk walk c wat can buy during tis festive season...hehee....^^*

hmm...back to update my blog again..so wat has been up for mi...actually nothing much...juz went kbox ys wif yun and jh...wa seh..super ex sia..but nevertheless we sang songs until we dunno wat to sing..for us its usually not enuff time to sing finish de...hahaha....but i manage to sing JS songs...veri shuang...e feeling of holding a mike da da da....juz wondered if they haf to kick us out at 5 pm i tink i would be realli not worth it leh...lucky no...can stay until 7 and its us zhi dong go make payment one...haha..today din go out...coz no money le...so started to make artistic things in my room..eh bracelets and stuff...to occupy my whole afternoon...e weather is so damp..i hate it...tml maybe going queenstown visit xq...maybe sun bian go queensway shopping centre also ba...maybe..i 'm not even veri sure how to get to xq workplace..erm...though she did give mie e direction.sometimes i can be a road idiot also...argh esp e place is not my territory...ah...we see how it goes...ltr sure tune to channel 5 to watch rerun of spore idol...i wanna record down e songs sang by Slyvester!!! =) 2 more weeks to sch re-open....

another boring wed....oh no no..i take back my words...k..today iS e s'pore idols grand finals held at indoor stadium...woW...it will be veri exciting tonite...haiz....i wish both of them luck..bi jing they rehearse so long le..juz for e title of s'pore idol?! today morning weigh myself again...wow..abit over 45kg..jialat...realli cannot le..mi too lazy to jog again....coz i usually feel veri faint in the mornings..and i do haf a history of asthma so i get breathless veri easy leh..wa seh..dangerous to health sia..but i tink i realli wan to exercise..so ys got go lib...look at health mag...c how those pple slim down...hmm..so it inspired mi to start another slight round of exercise...u guess?? haha.. mi live on e 11th floor of my block...12th highest...so ya i m going to climb e stairs everyday when going home..all e way to 11th floor...gd for training ur limbs sia...like dat maybe can burn off some of the sickening cal dat i'm getting from nowwhere...haha...wish mi luck again...going out le...bai~~~~

another boring wed....oh no no..i take back my words...k..today iS e s'pore idols grand finals held at indoor stadium...woW...it will be veri exciting tonite...haiz....i wish both of them luck..bi jing they rehearse so long le..juz for e title of s'pore idol?! today morning weigh myself again...wow..abit over 45kg..jialat...realli cannot le..mi too lazy to jog again....coz i usually feel veri faint in the mornings..and i do haf a history of asthma so i get breathless veri easy leh..wa seh..dangerous to health sia..but i tink i realli wan to exercise..so ys got go lib...look at health mag...c how those pple slim down...hmm..so it inspired mi to start another slight round of exercise...u guess?? haha.. mi live on e 11th floor of my block...12th highest...so ya i m going to climb e stairs everyday when going home..all e way to 11th floor...gd for training ur limbs sia...like dat maybe can burn off some of the sickening cal dat i'm getting from nowwhere...haha...wish mi luck again...going out le...bai~~~~

so sianz...today fell ill again...it started out as a bad sore throat..dunno y it got worse dat i started coughing..today is so not my day...i hate today...esp today is e worse day of my life..haiz..depressed.

ya...its e 2nd week of holidays. A friday. As usual, i'm juz pinned to the computer on my hard seat..typing away on my new keyboard. YEAH!!! anywae juz watch s'pore idols results earlier...so veri happy...3 cheers for sly!!!! yaHOO!!! i tink i going mad le...keke...anywae juz wanted to update my blog...today went to e creative fair...alot of mp3 players were on sale..not realli on sale..but some of them were cheaper...haiz..mi too poor le..juz picked my keyboard onli...today went to watch pple ice-skate too...din realli go ice-skate coz it was kinda too late...it reminded mi how much i miss ice-skating..e feeling of floating on ice...WOW~shld go ice-skate again...got so much frustrations to vent out...grrr....

haha...2nd week of holidays!!! doing noth much again..enjoying my last sch holidays...today went jogging in e park again...manage to run 3 rounds at a go...erm u may tink is not such a feat but to mi it is coz my stamina is v.poor...from 1 round to 2 and now to 3 i'm so glad abt it yea...i tink i m getting fitter le...veri confident by nx wk i can jog 4 rounds...god...5 rounds make 2.5 km..watching my diet also..don let myself eat too much...especially eggs which r high in cholestrol and dat one person shld onli eat 2 eggs in a day...boy..i tot eggs were healthier den meat? tink i'm wrong...35 more holidays till sch re-opens...

-.- so sianz woh...holidays dunno how to spend sia...these days i juz spend holed up in my home ah and doing nothing...omg...aniway mi almost gave up on my exercise programme..since i maynot be able to go swimming tml..den i muz go jogging..m i obessed wif the idea of exercising? oh dear dear......wa..today watch s'pore idols results..so glad sylvester din get kicked out!! coz he's my ideal singapore idol!! hmm...maybe i'm abit biased ba..but at least i tink he is e one most probably to succeed overseas hmm...abit sad over daph leaving..but i tink sylvester aso may get kicked out nx wk...ahhh..this juz goes to show life is cruel...

eeee...frustruating...today bought a new game but cannot play....:( so damn sad...i wish i could play...haha..nvm..maybe blame on my bad luck ba....today was a pretty average day...afternoon went out wif jh go out take lunch and walk walk lor...long time nv c her...haha...changed alot sia...so pretty le..mi xian mu sia....mi still like ugly duckie...haha...mi still veri blackie...sian leh..maybe i realli shld start considering swimming in the evenings..i don wan my face look like africian...sob sob...ahh..these coming holidays tink i wont be working le ba...it will be a nice break for mi..now besides swimming..i intend to jog 3 times a week too..must improve on my speed and stamina..well stamina is important for a singer too..exercise would be gd for mi...especially during e holidays i will juz grow fatter sitting ard at home...sigh sigh sigh...so dats it for now...oh aniway juz wan to mention ou xuan is veri pretty sia!!! like her style v much....^^*

first day of holiday!!!!

today is e first day of holidays...veri strange no need to wake up in the early mornings anymore..no more taking the lift to 11th floor of harbourfront centre...no need to c e indian pple in si room..no more troubling over work...no more eating at e hawker..no more 1 hour trip home...haha..i tink i wont be takin e train to harbourfront centre anymore...

hmm..these holidays maybe wont slack le..coz found a factory job..but haven confirm yet i can go to work..i hope so leh..coz can earn more money..and holidays wont pass too slow either...after these 2 weeks of swimming..i haf officially become so tanned..sian...izit a gd thing? coz i like being white..muz faster let my skin fade to my original color..haha...

LasT day of work!!! i'm so glad its going to be over soon...i mean today is such a happy day for mi..but my oic have to ruin it for mi by giving mi low marks...so sian de..i guess i can pass ba...but cant help feeling abit upset by this whole thing...grr..and my oic wan to treat mi lunch...i rather not...ha....i rather she giv mi higher marks...oh i m so hungry now...:(

today marks e last week of ipp...*thanZ gODnEsS*...i'm so tired...not mentioning i haf a huge cracking headache...don feel like going for lunch...maybe i persuade cl to dabao for mi..*sigh*...juz submitted my ipp report....ARGH! i noe its d*** bad...realli like shit...but i still handed it up...whY? simply e fact i'm collapsing under pressure..ya pressure by my ipp mates....their report r juz better den mine...not dat i wan to say...but i'm juz plAiN lousy....double sIanz...maybe i not confident enuff ba...wait until i get back my grading thingy den i would noe le...update ltr...-.-

NO LIFE

today is sunday night...so kelian mi sitting at home blogging away...Life can be better den dat right? this weekend did nothing except slp and slp...dunno y so tired..slping is such a hobby for mi now...oni except sat i went to swim myself..got a tan again...look so dark now...i admire korean gals for their whiteness...other den dat...i look at my life and i say "PATHETIC"...dunno wat is wrong wif mi..nothing is lacking..but my life is ssooooooooo boring...not mentioning e coming holidays i juz be slacking at home or going out...but wont be doing anytink exciting...haiz...besides that i shall end my brief update...-_-

scary nightmare..

ys nite i had a super scary nitemare..i dreamt someone was chasing mi...i don rem e whole dream but i guess whereever i go e person would loom and appear in my face...scary....mi today also veri tired..i guess recently i haf been an unreasonable gal rite? haiz..so sian...maybe i should not be so greedy ba...wan e best of everything...life cannot be like dat de ba..i suppose...no one understand my feelings..i guess i juz haf to write it down...maybe reading it will sound different from when i say it out..blog...i feel utterly break down le..my body cant withstand all the pressure from dat happened recently...its getting so hard to put up a gd performance infront of everybody...sometimes i wish i could juz cry and get over it...seems easy but i tink wo ban bu dao...so fan...arrrrghhh..i wish ipp was over soon...one less burden to worry about...

o_0~~~~~

monday again....2 more weeks i be free...ha...ys went out wif hm....ben lai juz want to return my books den go home slack wan...but min also wan return books...so went together lor..go woollands de...haiz waited one hour for her...(typical!)..den we ate mac for lunch...e mac wings meal...paisei leh...overturned my Coke...e poor mac staff had to clean it up...m i clumsy or wat de..i decided dat i hate myself le...ha...den gd old min shared her lemon tea wif mi..oohh..i was feeling so grateful ba...after dat actually wanted to c Wimbledon but there was onli one time slot...6 plus..so sian...so we went sun plaza lor..hoping got nice show to watch..but den realli fed up lor..coz all like so lousy de...2046...i m not going to watch dat!!!...in the end we watched Ouija Board...ya u heard it..korean horror movie..i don tink its horror lar..not veri scary either...maybe i m numb to all horror movies liao..and nx time i m certainly not giong to watch ani korean horror movies..aniway e theater onli had 6 pple..so it was damn cold..and certainly added to the atmostphere..i guess this movie is onli gd for pple who adore korea things and they haf a whole free afternoon to spare...of coz they muz be rich too...or realli don go watch tis flick = waste of money...haha.....

bad weather...

so sianzz..today weather veri bad...as in ...it makes my mood go booo....haiz..meant to go swimming de lor...haiz..but nvm lar...mi went out wif xiangqi today...haha..long time nv c her leh...thanx for ur birthday present wor...wahahaha...i promise i will use it one day de...kekeke....aniway mi and xiangqi went to find her shoes...wa...from taka to far east ...all e way wifout success..haiz..den hao bu rong yi find one dat mi and she also beri like much one de..but no size leh...onli left size 4 or 6..which i tink size 4 i surely can fit in..but its not wat i want lar..wahaha...so we went away wif a gloomy heart..den xiangqi got headache today..dunno y also..so mi suggest go eat long john coz mi haven had lunch ma...den xiangqi can also rest...keke....ate combo one..coz cheap mah...den dunno y i like e chicken veri much..although pple may say combo one not hua lor..and most pple prefer fish...hmmm...after dat continue our 'quest' for e shoes..wahha...duno y mi todae so tired...walk until i realli buay tahan le...den stop at this fashion ...where xiangqi bought her formal pants...hahaha..after dat was juz a blur lor..a march down to hmv...where it was e finishing point..mi and xiangqi juz collapsed out of exhaustion...ha....it was 6 sometink when i reached yishun....den went to walk ard abit..(don ask mi y)...bought my japanese shampoo..(i tink it can do wonders for my hair)..e shop assistant was damn friendly..hahaha...but i alreadi wanted to buy liao so its not she who changed my decision ba..after dat den went home le...lie on e sofa until now..haha..slack day...but quite happy lar...hehee...^^*

siAnZzZ..

today is yet another day at PSA...ah...so boring....mi sitting in one corner rite now waiting for time to pass...coz i changed my place..i tink its onli temporily....but so sian leh...coz here i can onli tok to myself...but i din..coz i m not a psycho...haiz...time pass so quickly onli 2 weeks + to my end of attachment..i don plan to work in the holidays..coz i wan to pamper myself..i don wan to work blindly and sacrifice alot...ever since last dec i don haf a proper holiday..and last dec i was working in motorola!!!...zZz..tis coming holidays i wan to do alot of sports..whip myself into shape and of coz upgrade myself...do more shopping..(on a reasonable rate)..but i also wan to save alot of money...catch up wif my frens..i tink bcoz lack of time..i been neglacting some of my frens..maybe after the one month ++ holidays i will becum a better person and wait for sch to re-open..i guess my last sch semester is pretty precious..now i had an idea of how my working life will be like in the future...haha..now feeling veri hungry...when will lunch cum soon...i hope everything will get better..coz i gonna make my life more interesting den regretting...shall stop here...will update again..

I M VERI TIRED~!!! :(

sometimes i tink i m juz torturing myself..i haf a perfectly gd weekend...not veri wasted but i m veri veri veri tired...haiz...ys went swimming wif cuiling in the morning(9 plus)...so shiok sia...mi learn to love swimming le..maybe i wan to go again nx week...hee hee...den we ate lunch at long john...got a secret here..dunno y ys felt veri full so i din eat e corn dat came wif the meal...mi juz threw e corn into cuiling empty drink..lol...den we juz smuggle it out of long john..don wish to let pple c my 'chou shi'...haha...after dat cuiling went to work...mi stayed at northpt and loithered ard lor..look at CDs and stuff...after dat ard 2pm...took e train to orchard and found a corner to nap..coz i noe matthew they all sure late wan...ya lor i was right..funny e three of them reached together but din c each other...so we went to haagen diaz to haf our ice-cream...ha...got pretty waitress there sia...i order 2 scoops of choco and strawberry ice-cream wif choco chips and rainbow sprinkles..hmm...at first i tot this combination was great..but it really wasnt'...more like a kiddy ice-cream..yawn..after eat ice-cream..we went kbox to sing lor...yanting don wan de..but we drag her along...i tink yanting had 'yu gang' dat she going to suffer there...haha..dat y she don wan...keke...but yanting refused to sing leh...although we tried all means to persuade her...mi ah...i sing my regular songs...got f.i.r., cyndi, fish leong, s.h.e., elva ba...e.t.c...haha...yanting present was a mashi maro lor...a huge one wearing a red hat...ha...halfway thru ktv den we went mad le lor..everyone of us went mad ba...but quite fun lor...onli until ending of ktv it was quieter..coz some of us were veri tired...(mi lor!)...i tink i din haf a gd slp these 2 days...it was insufficient ...now my head feel like it is floating le...den body also no energy liao...countdown to end of ipp(15 days = 3 more weeks!!)..^^*

another movie...COOL GUY~~!!!

yO..back here to update again..mi went to watch another movie todae wif yun and min...haha..it was a super early movie(12.15pm) @ cathay woodlands...tis movie is Cool Guy...so rare tis movie...onli had one session in woodlands and two in orchard wan...haha...tis movie is acted by song cheng xian...is korean...not dat i don like korean..i'm starting to like it ba..coz in the past i onli liked jap culture...wow korean gals all so white..mi start to xian mu liao...haha...

tis movie takes place in a school..korean guy had e image of a gangster meets korean gal from another sch...both kan bu shun yan each other in the first place...so one day guy decided wif his little gang of friends waited outside the gal's sch...gal and her fren(aso quite pretty lar..) decided to escape by e back gate...when e gal finally mustered enough courage to jump over e wall..she fell on top of the guy sia..so they kissed lor..(e most jing dian scene of the show..)lol..guy say he nv been touched by any gal b4...(i tink he dat time already liked e gal..so it was an escuse)..after dat..everday guy threathen gal to go out wif him...call him..if not gal will be sorry..it was so ironic..but yet same time so sweet..its veri schoolish..their love is a sweetish type of way yet everybody would wan it lor...ending u muz watch urself...i tink after watching it..every gal would wan to be in the actress shoes lor..coz so swang sia..lol...e gal is pretty in a sch-gal type of way ba...tis romantic comedy is veri ke ai lor...i guess i wanted to cry during e movie..but i wanted to be a stronger gal..so i held my tears..but near the ending part of the movie..i still cried abit lar...can say its a quite worth movie ba..at least i tink i din waste my $8.50..feel like watching wimbledon..like not bad hor..

recently i keep bottling up my feelings...in the past i used to tok to pple wan..but now i find dat pple whom i can realli tok to r getting lesser ba...and i start to tink of the future more den ever le..i noe i shld concentrate on e present..but somehow feel e future ahead is veri lost..dunno y recently i aso lost interest in e many things i do...i don get dat excited feeling whenever events happen..so i also trying hard to find back tis feeling...life is too short to miss anytink but yet i cant seem to move myself..haiz..i tink i also duno wat i toking le...maybe i update again tml..tee hee...^^*

NeOpEt TiMe~~

hey...i noe it sounds silly...but mi & and my fren has been addicted to NeoPets during our attachment now...wats e cause of it? --> boring old attachment..has us locked up here for 10 hours everyday..sick leh..den NeoPets has so many games to play...i haven earn so much money b4 in real life..and i'm trying to concentrate on building a house for my neopet now(StarrieGal)...hahaha...all e staff at PSA are so busy...cant find them at all...hai..my stomach is grumbling again...oh if u happen to play neopets too...add mi as a neofriend k...my account is bluestargal11..thanx..^^*

FuN wEeKenD ...

its e weekend again..haha...but this weekend seemed super fast wor...and its realli realli veri fun as compared to last weekend...yeeks...-_-...ys i went out wif min and yun..(haha..i tink u2 wont be reading lar..don mind if i juz post ur names here...keke..)...long time nv c min sia..her hair becum short le wor..u r realli e fashion queen among us sia...:)...super cute wor(despite e mushroom look-alike..tee-hee)...

hmmm..tis outing we watched White Chicks..haha...i realli wanted to watch this flick for a long time..but din seem to match my schedules against u all sisters..haiz..aniway...watched at cineleisure...haiz..had to sit 3rd row...so sad..but beats sitting first row..i really sympathize wif those..oh yea...b4 dat, mi and my frens went taka basement buy ice-cream...as e ice-cream like veri special...$3 one cup...den hor..can choose 2 flavours of ice-cream..mi and mi frens decided to chose fruit wan coz more special...rather den choco all the time(though its my fav..)...we chose strawberry and lemon..hahaha..super sweet leh...realli buay tahan sia...eat finish juz make us feel more thirstier den ever..keke...

aniway e movie realli veri funni lor..as everybody seemed to enjoy it...mi and my frens laugh non-stop..like siao liao sia..i tink it been ages since we 3 laugh together so much..kinda miss this feeling...keke...so we 3 muz go out more often...i tink maybe if my attachment over liao easier lar hor...

nx sat i tink we 3 go watch the cute guy or wat movie title lor...the one got korean star song chen xian act..izit huh..i not veri sure...so cutie dat movie...hahaa...aiya..pple reading tis don 3 lines down lar..we r oni 19..somemore yun haven turn 19 yet..we still got e right to watch these movies and sometimes act abit cute can anot..hahahaha...will update again tml..hahaha...

P.S: jh, if u reading tis now..i hope u getting well soon...jiayou wor...miss ya~~^^*

now feeling veri terrible...actually its nothing much...but i tink i m falling sick....Listening to F.I.R's wo men de ai....now veri feverish...suffering from cold...my eyes r bloody red...i hate this world...i feel so xinku..juz let mi die...yi liao bai liao...stomach feeling veri empty...somewhere inside mi aches..although i m veri brave and can listen to reality and e truth...but a part of mi cant let go...feel like taking mc..maybe try to chen until after work ba...6.30...

spongebob? can i noe who u r??

sometimes...when i look out e sky..and i see the grey clouds hovering....i smell the smell of rain...i would become sad...i guess rain brings mi sadness ya..haha...i also wonder why...maybe bcoz when its raining..every thing becomes so cold...if i ask u all pple out there reading my blog..wat would u do when u r sad...what would u do to forget ur sadness? i guess no matter wat i choose to do..e pain will always be there ba...now i juz wan to escape reality...hide in my little wonderful world...where there is onli laughter and joy...Love brings mi too much pain and sadness...it turned my world into a complete dark hell..everyday is juz passing wifout mi noeing it..i tink i m juz wasting everyday.....there is still a small part of mi reaching out for hope...its the part pple c mi as...as a realli hard working gal trying her best at her attachment right now? i guess e onli way to stop myself from thinking is to keep working ba...and i can't bear to hurt those close to mi..so i rather not tok abt it..i rather laugh it off...lucky i still haf a blog here to confide in..there is a fear in mi...dat i dunno y...a mental fear of being hurt again ba...but as long as i still can maintain my cheerfulness in front of pple...wat the heck?? juz go on wif it...and dats bcoz i noe some of u guys still care and love mi...so i don wish to leave u all too....

the 100 qns about mi

100 qns...

[01] first name: Yanling

[02] middle name: -

[03] last name: Xu

[04] nickname:bLuE`sTaR

[05] gender: female

[06] age: 19

[07] birthdate: 11th Sept 1985

[08] height: 152cm

[09] hair color: brown wif a bit of highlight...

[10] eye color: black

[11] race: chinese

[12] do you wear glasses or contacts: contacts

[13] do you have nice hair: not really..

[14] is your hair long or short: shoulder length

[15] where were you born: toa payoh hospital

[16] current location: i love singapore

[17] zodiac sign : virgo

[18] how many languages do u know: chinese, english, cantonese(abit)

[19] nationality: singaporean

[20] bad habits: eat too much chocolate(haha)....need mama to wake mi up...

[21] piercings you have: 5

[22] piercings you want: don need le ba..enuff liao.

[23] tattoos you have: no!!

[24] tattoos you want: no!!

[25] today's date: 28/9/04

[26] the time: 08.34am

[27] ready for more questions?: k



SCHOOL LIFE

[43] are you still in school: yea

[44] did you drop out: don intend to

[45] current GPA, or last GPA: eh???

[46] favorite grade: sec.2

[47] least favorite grade: sec1.

[48] favorite teachers/lecturers: hmm? Miss Ng

[49] least favorite teacher/lecturer: haha..don say betta

[50] favorite subjects: geography, biology

[51] least favorite subject: maths

[52] do you buy lunch or bring it: buy of coz

[53] play any sports on the school's team: no

[54] do you do any extra curricular activities: in the past

[55] are you popular: no la

[56] favourite dance: ha..i don dance.

[57] least favorite dance: told u liao..i don dance.

[58] favorite memory: all my birthdays

[59] least favorite memory: eh...how bout my a-maths o'level exam?

[60] most humiliating moment: don haf la actually..

[61] number: 5

[62] clothing brand: no brand also nice mah.

[63] shoes: converse

[64] saying(s): haha..jiayou la.

[65] favourite TV show: xiao hua xiao cao

[66] sport: swimming

[67] vegetables: cabbage, carrots

[68] fruit: apple

[69] movie: too many liao.

[70] magazine: seventeen

[71] actor: andy lau

[72] actress: aiya..too many le lar.

[73] candy:eh..forget the name lar

[74] gum: don realli eat gum

[75] scent: flower scent..hahaha

[76] choc bar: ritter sports..the one wif cornflakes

[77] ice cream flavour: chocolate

[78] color : blue

[79] seasons: autumn

[80] holidays: valentine's day(but no meaning lar)

[81] bands: F.I.R, Zayin

[82] singer: Jay Chou

[83] group: S.H.E

[84] rappers: ...

[85] types of music: mandrin pop

[86] things in your room: pillow

[88] radio station: y.e.s933

[89] tv channel: channel 8

[90] junk food: choco, potato chips

[91] overall food:eh???

[92] store:ntuc..wahaha.

[94] fast food: long john

[95]restaurant: haggen diaz

[96] shape: star

[97] song: keep changing

[98] person u hate most: none

[99]musical instrument: violin, piano

[100]what u wana say: -_-

forget and forgive...

today went to watch jackie chan new film...not bad la...but duno y after c e whole movie..i missed the old Jackie even more..haha...strange right..went home liao..feel abit sad ..dunno y..e past memories started haunting mi again..all e memories came rushing back...being forced to look at them again..i tot i already went back to my normal lifestyle and my cheerful self..some things u juz can't forget dat easily ya know and its getting so hard to put it right again....so i m trying to take it more relax..but i juz don feel right..its juz a part of mi is lost or gone or simply has died..jiu suan how peaceful my life is now...i don feel happy....i juz realised i haven been happy all this while...maybe i still need time..but who can tell mi..how much time i need...to overcome all...and how far xinfu is from mi..

Promises

What are feelings? Something dat u realli experience in ur body? or juz some lies sewn into words that will fade in time....this world is forever changing..even ur loved ones are changing too..sometimes thinking back dunno wat touching words they say will always stand true...so i learnt not to trust anybody...coz i m tired of broken promises...promises dat are so beautiful but will not come true again...Even myself make promises dat i will break...If anybody has been hurt by mi..i juz haf to say sorrie here..now my life has returned to a peaceful state again...the storm has died down...i m glad for it ba...i haf become more stronger in a weaker way...struggle to protect myself...but i think i failed. my enemy is pride.



*riiiinng...wei!!

"recess liao, go eat la...!!"

.........drag my fren along...went to the canteen...bought some nuggets from the chinese stall...3 for $1....ate super quick...

"chi kuai kuai den we go book shop zou zou leh..."

"hey ze ge hen mei leh...i buy hor, u wan anot?"

"ok la"

*riiinng...

"aiya bell ring liao...kuai dian..."

ran back to classroom...

"take maths book out...u finish le??"

........



suddenly tis pri sch memory floated into my mind....probably it was pri 4 ba...haha...juz wanted to write down here...so i wont forget it again...so i wont miss it again...

=p

hehe...my blog's new look...=p

half of ipp...

Today is a start of a new week...week no.6 of ipp..e marking dat indicates i have passed half of my attachment which i m v glad for it...coz i m tired out already...the weekend passed veri quickly..wat wif my comp breaking down and all those...worried and spend so much money on it...haiz...hai mi cannot buy some of the stuff i wan...sian de....but it also taught mi a lesson...how i shld spend my money...my priorities seem to haf gone wrong too...i tink for mi now juz save as much as possible ba..maybe don buy too much things liao...but tink i still need new clothes and everything...maybe my headphones too..coz music IS veri important to mi...ok liao....hope tis week goes well for mi....

...

today is a lousy day...dunno y i feeling upset now ba.....hmm...maybe can't pinpoint y i upset lor..maybe juz don wan to say it out here..sorry pple...but don feel like saying anytink here...music helps alot....actually calm mi down alot.....oh and wilber music is realli great..i realli like his slow songs......:) maybe nobody noe e pain i feel inside ba...its so alive....after writing down here..i feel kind of relieved ba..tis e place i dump e all my burdens here ba...all my stress gone half le...blog ah blog..thankz for listening again...hee..

wilber album..

whew...finally finish my work le...don believe actually i now have some resting time for my eyes....haha...recently listening to wilber cd...i tink his songs style nv change much...but e way he sing is more confident le...some songs i like better...



E.g. 1) his first hit...Wu Ha..not super nice...but veri catchy....

2) track06...tis song got wilber singing cantonese for e chorus part...tink e way he sing abit

wierd..but there is story in dat song..so quite like it...and leave a deep impression after

hearing it.

3) slow songs isn't wilber forte...but i like some of them....yuan xin and tai xiang ai ni.... i like

them both veri much...veri comfortable wif his singing style...^^*

evil smile............

hoho...so bored now...dat oic din give mi anytin to do...but juz now when i gave her to sign my log book...she gave mi an evil smile when she noe i din haf anytink to do le..die liao...dunno if is e beginning of a veri hard time...tink i tink too much le...oh..and e air con is super cold here....start sneezing all over again..tink i realli allergic not onli to seafood, fur and dust...cold also...

now so sian le...waiting to go home sia...Argh...hungry again also...already can smell my dinner from here...wahaha...



hmm...consider buying a new keyboard and wilber cd..am i too wasting money?? ala....juz got my pay already...spending like water le...haiz.......but dat wilber cd sounds tempting...and dat keyboard will take ages to clean sia... :(



countdown to end of ipp....gentle reminder...39 more working days to go...after today 6.30 this is... =p



P.S. : Does all tis spacing in my entry makes it easier to read?? ha.....don wan to make u all go

blind sia...

Birthday WeekEnd...

Another monday again...arrrghhh..hate e feeling of being in an office...maybe it realli doesnt suit mi ba..anyway last weekend was a special one.....hmmm....coz sat was my birthday despite ah e 911 attack..blah blah blah...haha..went out wif my gd frens ...long time nv c they all woh...so happy...lazy afternoon....got a bag as present..which i like veri much..coz veri sunshine...and i bought a cap for myself..haha...now i start like wearing caps liao..maybe can cover my ugly face?? wahaha...hmmm...den sat nite watch the Channel U chuan ming ou xiang...wahhaa..veri happy e guy huang ding rong won....coz he super shy and cute woh!!! ^^* ya lor..and i definately agree wif e papers he won coz he had a special charm and que xian mei sia....so shuai....tink i may juz go gaga over him...haha...n he veri qian xu also....hope Channel U give him alot of opportunites sia....jiayou leh....hmm...sunday went out wif my poly mates....they treat mi swensen ice-cream and movie.....e earthquake..but i do wish i can eat my haagen diaz..sob sob....oh n e movie i tink it was a mistake lor....shldn't have chose it...it was a korean horror flick The Ghost...don realli like it leh.....coz veri typical ghost story...i tink i scared bcoz e aircon was veri cold..and e stupid sound effect keep bong bong bong....n i don realli like ghost movies ba..abit sick of them..i rather watch comedies and romances...hmm...e latest Jackie Chan movie looks nice...maybe i will go watch..anyway thanks u guys for a great weekend....hee hee ^^*

hahahah...so veri happy today..i m finally 19 le woh..kekeke..lookin back tis year..muz say its one wif lots of ups and downs..abit tiring..but i tink i learned alot during this year..today going out wif sec sch frens..hope i have lotsa fun...wahahhahaa....n i will grow prettier also..lalalla.....pple reading tis don collapse wor~~~...till then..take care~~~i be back.......^^*

stubborn me??

wa........eat finish lunch le came back to office feel so gd..dunno y sia..maybe even feel happy? so strange......hmmm......so qi guai woh..but now feel v sian aso..waiting for 5.30 to cum...haiz...slack ah slack...suddenly found myself to be a veri stubborn gal....i din realise it until these few years sia..tink my stubborness hurt alot of pple ba..haiz....in primary sch used to be a veri guai n zibi gal one..had veri little frens..........yet my results wasn't e best of the best..can say it was quite poor ba..all e gals in my class were prettier den mi..i was juz a dark small-sized gal.....wahaha...tink e ugliest maybe ba....but back then maybe i already starting to some of my stubborness.....would remain e quietest in my classs..and onli mingle wif pple i like..scarly some pple tink i zibi one..mi change alot ba...maybe to e friendly mi now.....but one thing wont change is my stubborness.hahaha...do wat now leh..so bored sia.....yawnZZ........

another sleepless night...@_@

haiz..ys din slp properly again ba...so today i look like @_@...so sian de..i noe i fell asleep after listening to a sentimental song by jerry yan on my discman..dat song is <>..realli veri nice...maybe cried abit also ba...den mother came in..no choice gotta slp..don wan her to c mi crying in e dark ba..don wan to disturb my mei mei slping also...haiz...but surprisingly i fell asleep veri fast...but i tink b4 5 am i woke up le...you shi mian le...dunno y auto wake up these few nights...and its getting earlier and earlier..maybe if tis go on i will beng kui ba coz today eyes realli veri swollen le...now is 8.40 am in e morning...still early so decide to blog an entry again...in e office everything is quiet...not many pple ard...i tink i realli cannot take it le..realli feel like slping...may blog later again...till then..

sleepless nights..

today wake up go work again..but i m so dead tired...din slp well last nite...eyes so itchy n swollen..but still force myself to wear contact lenses..coz i ai mei..ha...maybe juz not used to other pple seeing mi wear glasses...zi jun xin veri strong one...getting so sleepy now..maybe now still nothing to do ba...ys nite force myself to make a decision..coz i noe cannot delay....for e three of us...at least i tink my decision i will not regret either...n it sounds sensible too ba...ok le..stop for now..tink one of e staff coming in liao...bai for now..

life is like a song...

today is a day for thoughts..tink life is like a song..even its a sad song, i will still haf to sing to the very end and touch everybody ard mi...i noe i will stay haf to get on wif life..y not live happily? i made my decision...xi wang dui de qi everybody ba...including myself..maybe its not e perfect solution for everyone...hope time will blow over everytink....

Cinderella??

ys watch the movie A Cinderella Story...datz movie's storyline tink maybe every gal's dream i tink..ha...movie tells us to go for our dream..but how many gals will dare to realli go for their dream?? Admire how hillary duff in the show displays her independent character and her strong spirit in life...may even start to actually change some of my views on life..........haha.....haiz..but now abit sick..so veri xinku..can't realli concentrate on my work...cold day..brrr....

tired~~~:(

woh.......friday le...but i m feeling like an old lady now..so so so so tired..mi juz wan to slp for the whole weekend..no no..sunday wanna go swimming..can't be tis tired...haiz..today is half a busy day..y do i say dat?? bcoz i been non-stopping looking at the comp in my office for 7 hours...lian lunch also skip liao..after dat slack like hell.......so sian..now..brain keep tellin mi to go rest le...now everyday also tink of him ba..worried abt him also...haiz..hope's he alright..i guess right now i shld act according t his best interests ba..especially he found his own xin fu le..i can't be so selfish also............

hoho..nice song..

haha..i found dat i realli like e new mandrin pop group, ZAYIN...they r realli cool...n their music's not so violent..although they r a band..at least their 1st hit, <> super nice..its soothing..juz imagine myself sit beside by a lake and under the blue blue sky watching clouds move wif my loved one..wa seh..realli so nice sia..wonder when can c him woh..separated apart..so sad..but nvm...i will jian chi xia qu de~~~heehee...^^*

sick..sleepy..

today is another sleepy day..yes sleepy...i was sleeping so happily last nite...8 hrs i tink...oh..but still so sleepy..n feeling abit sick too..dunno if is wat i ate for breakfast today..arrgh..today muz get my oic to sign my log book..tink it will be another '3' again...so sad...:(

dull dull day

today is a super super dull dull day sia...nothing to do realli...sit in the office..juz hoping to get aspiration on how to get started on my work...pathetic rite..hahaha..but finally near 5 sometink i suddenly bian clever liao..noe how to do a little..v happy sia...hmmm...so e veri sian...but today still got quite a few surprises..despite of the hmm..dull dull day ba...yawn..:)

miss ya!!

haixxxx....during tis attachment period certainly let mi lost touch wif a lot of pple..lala..especially the bad interent connection at my workplace...so sad...suddenly xiang dao my frens..haiz..duno how they all doing over at their workplaces..aiyo..miss u all so much...still got 50 days to go :(

-__-|||

ahh...leg still pain like hell..hmmph....actually todae wan go out..wan go swimming too...but haiz...i tink my leg hurts...save money so don wanna watch movie..but feel like watching 13 going on 30..sounds interesting..e napfa certain doesnt worth it..poor leg..x_x

blue blue sky...

suddenly..i miss the old mi so much..e quieter, more pure mi...haiz...not dat i m not myself now...i guess i m improving ba...haha..no longer e zibi mi in the past...today went home straight away..so tired..leg aching like hell..cannot walk properly too...den listen to my fav jay songs...nv relax so much after a long time le...juz let the music bring mi along...close my eyes n juz let my thoughts drift along...mi realli relax alot..thought alot about many things too...finally the weekend..tink i will be keeping to the quieter part of myself tis weekend ba...haha...maybe too exhausted le ba...

hahha...the changing mi

hmm..i realli do like to change..suddenly reading my old entries here..i still like tis blog better...maybe it help mi to go thru the unforgettable fypj days ba..wahahaha...^^*

ahhh...stresss..

today is e start of my attachment..it started out as a pretty fine day..wif all e polite colleagues n everything...but once i start work..e stuff was pretty difficult..haiz...sian...scared of lonliness...also stressed i duno how to do...tink will dig my grave soon in my workplace...:(

stress diao..

fypj is finally cuming to an end...but mi also feeling veri stressed...like cannot breathe like dat..hahaha...serious i duno y i m so worried ba...i m waiting for wed to be over..its it so typical for virgos to be so upright n worried over everything...is not a gd feeling for mi..haiz..hen xing ku woh..wed presentation over i sure veri happi de...ah.:(

crazy day..

hahha...one week nv write blog le woh~!!!! hahaa..to all my 'supporters' sorri sia..hahaha..quite update on tis week..tis week went veri fast..like Japan's bullet train..wow wow..days as usual..go sch do project work on coding..days realli pass veri fast..haha...but mi today veri hyper active..i aslo wonder wat happen to mi sia...hahaha...but for now its a quiet moment..i m so so tired...maybe write more tml..hee hee..

hAo gAnG dOnG ah..

hiya..today i in a happy mood..haha..dat's bcoz my gd gd fren from ncs cum visit mi..i so gang dong..after stuck in sch for 2 mths...so suddenly c her..i veri e happi..naturally i also act like xiao zha po..but nvm la..haha..i suddenly found dat i miss all my old frens veri much sia..like long time no c..sob sob...hope faster fypj n ipp kuai dian over...so i can start nx sem...looking forward...yessss...but i wonder my attachment go where sia..don wan ulu ulu..don wan pay low..don wan wear formal..hahaha..

gals r trouble

time of the month again~! argh i hate it..it gives mi horrid hormones which has been spinning out of control..2 hrs ago i felt all depressed..den ta-da~! e nx moment i felt alright like nothing has ever happened..mood swings...madness..causing mi headaches..affecting mi when i at sch..these 2 days i feel like exploding at every little single thing..but manage to keep my temper..onli explode a tweeny bit..sian 1/2..realli not in e mood..yuck..doing programming also make mi mad..suddenly i wonder if i hate programming..i wouldn't wan to do sometink i hate as a job for e rest of my life..haiz...weather's cool today..i kind of like it..=p

CrYiNg tEaRs...

TodAy..i reAd a veri gd book. the storyline was about a teenage gal's life..her frens, her family, her sch n her love life...y tis gal's life suddenly turned upside down...n eventually fought her best to sort her life out...when she can't, she juz resort to crying to let it all out..haiz..but tis story is quite touching..in e sense dat i can sense e gal's determination to keep her life going...so sad to e pt dat i cried again..but i tink it bcoz of e music i listening..veri touch leh..maybe my own life now isn't dat wonderful n happy..maybe i always gave pple e image i m a cheerful n funni gal ba..but i guess they r all wrong..tis world...all e pple..don care about mi..they juz wan mi to stay out of trouble n stay my cheerful n 'guai guai' self...when can i find true frens n family dat truly cares bout mi..i realli veri 'xin ku'...my tears r all crying..but who will c...nobody...

happy day..

haha..today duno y i haf e feeling to write a new entry for my blog..hmmm...maybe xin qing hao ba..especially today is friday...weekend le..finally can kind of relax liao??

hmmm..today is yungting birthday!! so congrats to u o..but don tink u noe my blog also..haha..anyway juz wish u here lor..20 yrs old o..so fast..but it reminds mi i be growing older soon also..haiz..lao le..so sad..

still searching for tis person contacts..dunno where to find tis person jialat..i c tis person in sch..but still don dare to tok to dat person directly sia..so now muz tou tou go look for e contact means..ahhh..driving mi crazy liao..suan le..leave it to fate..let fate decide everytink ba..hahahaha...lol..kk liao..i tink e pple reading my blog will grow crazy too..coz today e topic i toking abit crap hor..haha..bai for now..

dou jiang you tiao~!??

its another monday..haha..but dunno y e weather is so veri nice today..kind of sunny...maybe when a person's mood is gd, e way he/she @@ e world is also beautiful!!haha..anyway these 2 days i haf been listening to e song by JJ call "dou jiang you tiao". i found e song veri sweet n catchy..haha..got time u guys shld go listen..e melody of e song is veri simple..e lyrics quite meaningful..also..like it..^^*

A Dream

爱上未来的你， 你一定是我想达到的天堂。。等等等。。你在哪里呢？？

Stressful day..

i used to tink dat going to sch is not stressful at all...its mostly about balancing work n play..but dunno y today i felt veri stressed out by e pple ard mi...suddenly feel veri threatened by pple ard mi..haiz..tink i m not catching up wif my work..so abit troubled..naturally my moods also got affected today..shou bu liao le..i muz catch up fast..hmph..its showtime!! today i also made a big decision...haha..i will stick to it..*cannot tell*..haha..^^..getting more tired by e day..fypj isn't as fun as i made it out to be >.<

memories??

Today, i went to a fren house to help her practise cooking desert to prepare for an upcoming party...small gatherings like these wif my old frens r veri rare nowadays..so as usual had alot of fun together..especially preparing dessert wif my fav ingrediant!! Chocolate..!! haha...den e dessert surprising quite gd to my taste..haha..abit too sweet but i helped to clear it up le..lol..den we looked at some photos together..suddenly found dat e three of us changed alot..den at dat moment realli feel abit like crying..maybe we have changed alot better rite now..but dunno y miss e past alot..haha..maybe grow old le ba..keke..haha..maybe in e past we were more tian zhen ba..haha..den always veri lively..now all of us veri busy so cant realli meet up again..but nvm..we all haf improved in diff ways..especially we r becuming cuter le!!

gals, we muz break e curse soon o!! tink u noe wat i toking bout rite?? ha...^^*

Wat Fate Does..

Today, i finally realise everytink was predestined...e place u r born in, e time, ur family, ur frens...maybe i juz started to cherish e tinks n pple ard mi ba..i donno y everytink seems so vulnerable now...like i may lose anytink or anyone anytime..i already lost someone whom i love veri much...but in e end i gained a realli gd fren i can depend on..seeing him happy is my biggest wish...it pain mi to c him so upset dat period of time..i lost a friend too...i tink i hurt her also..maybe it was all my fault..i m an immature person...in e process, i hurt everybody ard mi including my family too...i juz wan to say dui bu qi...wo bu hui zai zhe yang le...